Limits

I felt limited. Perhaps they were limits I had set upon myself, limits that my circumstances had placed upon me, and maybe even limits that were of my imagination because I had become too sensitive to everything that was going on around me. But nonetheless, I felt the burden of my limited state and it was causing such an intense feeling of frustration and I guess, even fear.

I needed a new job. That sounds pretty simple, but there were so many facets to that one main problem. I no longer work at the Jordan River Temple. I still work within the church but I was transferred to a new place of employment almost nine months ago and for far too many reasons to go into, circumstances had led for me to look for employment once again elsewhere. But after over thirteen years of working in food service—and needing to get into a new type of work—I was limited on what I was qualified to do. I needed something that didn’t require me to constantly be on my feet and legs, (yes, limited to the length of time I could stand) so maybe an office job of some sort? Here’s the kicker, I am a horrible typist and I don’t know several of the computer programs…limited, again. I do have over ten years of experience in that line of work—before my Temple days, that I thought at least that could give me some sort of credit on my resume, but the few applications I sent in, hoping for an interview, sent me a rejection before I even got my foot in the door. Limited—and insulted—and now discouraged.

Things haven’t changed. At least job hunting hasn’t, but I have come across something that has changed me.

I didn’t think that asking for a new job under the circumstances was so much to ask my Heavenly Father for. In my situation, I felt like it was a righteous desire. I realize how petty that sounds, even as I type it. I am really putting myself out there to admit that. I hate flaunting my weaknesses. But I needed my job—Heavenly Father knows all the reasons why. After all, I’ve moaned and groaned often enough to Him about it. He knows I have this job but He knows I can no longer work at this one. He knows all the reasons why. Again, I have explained all this to Him. I petitioned my Heavenly Father so many times for better days, for better jobs, for better health, for better anything that I got to the point that I didn’t even know what to petition Him for anymore.

I fasted and I prayed and then received a blessing. Then I went to some of my closest friends. Within minutes they were all there offering me comfort, advice, and support. As I pondered all that had been said, I started taking a closer look at my situation.

My eyes went directly to my son. He too was going through some of his own challenges at this time with seizures. Taking a closer look I was once again amazed by him. He too has limits, but he has such a tremendous spirit that refuses to give up. He is constantly finding ways to work around his barriers so that he can achieve all that he sets out to accomplish. He lives his life to the fullest and he does so with faith and hope and even laughter. He is as carefree as he can possibly be and when he does have limits, he only lets them bring him to a halt for a second before he figures out another way to work around them.

It made me stop and ponder. All those times I wondered if my prayers were heard, (yes, I know they were—I was just having a pity party and getting tired of being told no—but really, was I being told no? I don’t think so.) I now think of something my Bishop asked, am I forcing my will on the Lord’s? Yes, in many ways. I was. I wanted to get out of Dodge right then and there. Before going to that job, I had prayed and fasted about going there and I know with all my heart, I was meant to go there for whatever reason. Every time I felt it was time to leave, in my heart I felt it wasn’t time but my head and my knees and my feet said it was. I applied for jobs I knew I wasn’t qualified for thinking that if I had an interview I could beg for a job and tell them I’d go back to school and learn whatever they wanted me to. It doesn’t work that way; I know that. But I was desperate.

Well, with renewed hope I have undergone a real attitude adjustment. This is in thanks to some people I love dearly- namely my son, my husband, my dad, my friends, Bishop and of course, my Heavenly Father.

I know the things I cannot do, and in the things I need to try. I want to have the kind of spirit that my son has. To love and live life with the joy and attitude that he does and not be so hard and cynical on myself. It doesn’t matter what limits we may have, it’s how we work around them and what we do to work with them that matters and especially to have a thankful spirit for the bounteous blessings we enjoy. I have a job. For now, until I can find what it is I need, I am so thankful that in these troubled times I do indeed have a good job for a really wonderful company. I should have been more thankful to begin with. I have learned that valuable lesson as well.

I did find a quote in a talk I read once though the person who said it is not listed so I am unsure if the speaker wrote it or what but the talk was given by Stephen Jason Hall.

The quote says, “ The greater man is not the one with a hundred blessings which he takes for granted, but the man with one blessing who praises his God for his bounty.”

I still pray for the things I need, but more so, I pray for a grateful heart and the strength in spirit to keep the faith and refuse to give up. My son taught me that.