Tips for Aspiring Authors

I've been saving these for a day when I was too uninspired to think of anything meaningful or uplifting to blog about, and that day has come. Sorry, but I hope you enjoy them all the same.

1. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
2. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
3. Also, always avoid awkward, affected and annoying alliteration.
4. Never ever use unnecessary redundant repetitions.
5. Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
6. No sentence fragments.
7. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
8. Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
9. Writing carefully, dangling participles should not be used.
10. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
11. Don’t verb nouns.
12. Employ the vernacular.
13. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
14. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
15. Remember to never split an infinitive.
16. Contractions aren't necessary.
17. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
18. One should never generalize.
19. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
20. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
21. Be more or less specific.
22. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
23. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
24. The passive voice is to be avoided.
25. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
26. Who needs rhetorical questions?
27. Don't never use a double negative.
28. Do not put statements in the negative form.
29. A writer must not shift your point of view.
30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
32. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
33. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
34. Last but not least, avoid clichés like the plague, they're old hat.